well if you wanted honesty

well if you wanted honesty

keeping myself busy keeps me on my toes.
it makes me aware of things around me and helps develop me as an individual who will strive for greater heights of success and happiness.
it also means i have no life.

the second sentence was borne out of me missing out on the thing that keeps me going.
chilling out!!!

its been almost two weeks since i've enjoyed an hour or two,three,ten, of hanging out with my favourite collection of people.

for all those who scorn at us, the future of our nation (*or at least someone with as much potential as me..haha), wasting our precious time away let me tell you something mister. this place is fucked anyways so its totally pointless. anyways i'd rather listen to some of my friends spout out intelligent crap than spend another day at ANY school...unless of course the uniforms are nice, on the girls.

and i realise, i'm long winded aren't i...don't u think so? cos i think i tend to go on and on about my point even though i've established it very early on. i'm not even bothered by this but still i continue talking about it. if that isn't long winded i don't know what is.

i'm bored.

* i'm only joking, but if you want to go on and judge anyway let it be stated that i think your head is too big, and you're just ugly

i like to move it

i like to move it

it seems to be the recurring trend for me to have spent an enormous amount of time at home and then cap it off by posting right here.

it feels nice to reconnect with people. especially someone who used to be so close to u. but isnt it sad that u disconnected in the first place ?

fickle my mind is. but one thing's for sure....my love for the one thing i believed in will not waiver despite the entrance of a seductively annoying 3rd party.

solskjaer..where u man?

and yes...sleeping at home for the whole duration of the weekend(almost) can make u think of very very absurd things.

too bad u werent there babe...we could have a whole load of that thing called fun. but no, u wanted to work. stoooopid. =)

tired.
so very tired.

i want to leave it all behind, i want to start something new.


haunting, very. all the nightmares just seem to keep replaying over and over. the same scenarios just repeating themselves again and again. the characters change but they still make me feel the same way. and the ones who don't, i cannot seem to accept.

why? i think because i like inflicting pain on myself. i can go on and on about the crap that it makes me feel alive but i guess its just a familiar feeling i hold on to.

i miss my lepak buddies.

i miss my money.

i still can't stop thinking of you.

till i find somebody.

she said don't

she said don't

today was unnatural. supremely. i did not step out of the house at all.
it feels weird but i guess it was nice to rest. plus it was my younger bro's bday.
the three of us spent the day watching tv, playing the ps2 and juz chilling cos my parents were in jb or something.

i feel an odd affinity to one of my cats, Duke. He's like the stupidest, and i say it in the nicest way possible, of my 3 cats but he's my fave. he sits in really vulgar positions, rarely utters a sound and when something falls, he'll be the first to jump. why i feel so affiliated? maybe cos he has this aura of loneliness but whenever he's around my other 2 pussies, he's very very affectionate. he could be called the posh one if looks tell the whole story but despite the regality of his appearance, he's more like garfield. and when my parents got home he tried to jump into the boot. c'mon man...he's juz cool. i think he's the only one in our family who actually likes the car. he spends like nights on the bonnet juz looking at our street like some upmarket security guard. he'd probably run in if someone just as much walks towards him.

i'm lost. i see tonight as the last match of the man utd i know, the future looks very different. in no means is it definitely going to be bad but it wont be the same. haiz...americans.

how did it come to this?

the colder water

the colder water

waking up happy
passing a day, despite its length, without any notice.
just the sound of the phone ringing or vulgarly vibrating soothes the lonely,eager soul... savouring each word, ingesting the tones of her voice...each vowel to last a minute.

you quiver at the thought of loss
sleepless, waiting for the next moment you share her smell, her touch, her breath.
everything else is secondary....you lose touch of reality albeit for awhile
you lose yourself in what you think is love.

what is love? (think nite at the roxbury.. ;P)
romancing? sharing? touching?
an idea of living prescribed by those who seem to have it all.
its absence drives some to end their pathetic existence.
brings others to forsake their own blood.

what is love?
something relative
to the degree of naivety you hold.
for most its just abt losing their virginity to the asshole who first proclaims it.
with people like that you cant really blame the cynics.
but then again in the words of the ones who really know their stuff,

"love will keep us alive"

i guess i've been living on cigarettes then...cos i'm still kicking despite that, more than most in love. so the eagles are human after all eh.

withdrawal of ?

withdrawal of ?

sometimes i wonder why my mood swings choose to swing like they do.
its a natural defect, a broken seal, an expired canned food.

why i get so caught up in something, then totally be down about it and then find something to get caught up in again.

nobody i know understands this enough to actually realise that its the way i am, not an excuse for anything else. and its ok cos this way i remain objective about a lot of things. it doesnt bother me per se. and this entry probably only has a significance right now as i'm writing it, cos i'll probably wake up forgetting everything about how i felt 0229 hrs on the 9th of May 2005.

and i wonder do you read this? i'm referring to you the one i feel drawn to despite knowing almost nothing about.

i'm such a pussy...but hey pussies do have fun.
ok, thats like almost a myth in a sentence.
orgasms in the vaginal form = very much debatable right rob?

tmr = opening=20 fucking dollars if i wake up late

me=20 fucking dollars poorer

Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah

good news
i got another freelance run at disney.
~money come in...more cigarettes ravage my sick body and more going out with girls i dont really like but cos they seem to like me i like them for awhile while i pine for someone more interesting.

WOOO HOOO!!!

sorry if this is gloating but i feel the need to gloat (if you can call that miniscule outpouring of emotion gloating).
anyways its not like anyone reads this barely intelligible excuse of a forum for the spelling challenged yours truly.

and on another note i am going to forget everything thats been going on my mind the last few weeks. after talking to mr. fiscotti i think he's right. no point starting to pursue something which is pointless (haha) and which is probably only existent in my self-indulgent/overconfident but only sometimes mind. so no more.

and what is it with people who blow me away with how they think. someone shoot me with a intellectually charged arrow of wit cos i want some of that action.

i can't take my eyes off of you
blower's daughter u...what else do u blow?

you could be my unintended choice
to live my life extended
you could be the one i'll always love

you could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
you could be the one i'll always love

i'll be there as soon as i can
but i'm busy
mending broken
pieces of the life i had before

first there was the one who challenged
all my dreams and all my balance
she could never be as good as you

you could be my unintended choice
to live my life extended
you should be the one i'll always love

i'll be there as soon as i can
but i'm busy mending broken
pieces of the life i had before

muse - unintended

she's in fashion

she's in fashion

school uniforms...the bane of any 7-16 year old give or take 2-3 years.

the socialist effort to bring the youth to conform has probably given rise to more problems than the men in white realise.

1) bad fashion.
in an effort to rebel without a worthy cause, we see the "kental button up all the way to the collar" look in an effort to be different and follow the lead of aimless trends which these teens have neither the intellect or the poise to carry off. also the skirt above the belly button look which young minahs like to adopt to give us a view of their crabbed and skinny brown legs. and have you ever seen the small tie look...pathetic. the need to be individualistic outweighs the basic sense to look normal. secondary school is probably the real formative years of one's life...bad fashion defines a person from here onwards. the ah beng and mat invasion <- blame it on secondary school uniforms.

2) social problems.
kids will pester their poor parents to get them cooler bags...nicer shoes. all again in an effort to be different. oh wait...everyone's got one so i gotta get one. nah..i was wrong here they juz expanded their repertoire by making everyone conform AND turn into materialistic drones. plus hours of arguments between parent and child. many a closely knit families have been torn apart by this evil, school uniforms.

3) s'pores ageing population.
a man's sexual peak is somewhere near him leaving tertiary education in s'pore. but after 10 odd years of seeing similarly aged girls in s'pores atrocious uniforms some turn gay. i mean have you ever seen some of these uniforms? they look bad and make the girls sometimes look worse. and have u ever been in a bus full of secondary school kids? the smell i tell u..not good. this probably turns both sexes away from each other as our school uniforms have a weird ability to retain sweat and make it even more disgusting. but then again for all the ugly girl uniforms, you get the wet dream of many a young singaporean teen..the IJ girls and that school in woodlands with the sailor moon uniforms..geek girly heaven...so it aint that bad. the smell stays the same though.

4) catholic high school's uniform.
15/16 year old boys in shorts every single school day. its just wrong.

and that my friends sums up the real reason why i went to poly.

although jc uniforms arent that bad.....damn.