wed aftn

wed aftn

when you do something that you normally wouldnt do, is that called being out of character? but what if the things you do are always the things you normally don't do. how does that get defined? this is not making any sense..but humour me lah.picture this. what if every single day was filled with things you do for the first time or that you don't do again for a long time? does that excite you? or will it tire you?

i'm just wondering...cos this past week has been filled with things i've done before but not in succession...and its been fun. although i miss the routine which i will get back to next week and probably curse the tiresomeness.

and i'm still hung up over things i cant get..or if i'm gonna be more accurate, should not be trying to get. i'm not trying to objectify...this is me being cryptic..hur hur hur.

and singing to malay songs at the top of your voice when noone is at home on a wed afternoon is very happening.


pabila tangisan embun pagi!!!
mimpi indah..tah ke mana menghilang
itulah kenyataan!!!
engkau biarkan aku terbuang
dan mencari dirimu
di alam fana cinta!!
engkau pula berdusta!!!

bila terpejam lena

bila terpejam lena

its funny when you seem to relate to everyone, correction everyone seems to be able to relate to you AND you still manage to feel like an outsider. you understand people but people just think they know you when they havent even pierced through the first layer of your being. you can either grin and bear it and seem "safe" or come of as an arrogant jerk. i miraculously can do both.

i think i now know how anwar feels, noone really gets me and i'm beginning to think myself to sleep more and more. and it is becoming increasingly frustrating.

oh well. c'est la vie.

tweedy me2

tweedy me

-Di sebalik senyummu, tersembunyi seribu lara-

i've been having a lot of trouble sleeping recently. i always end up asleep only after 3. very frustrating cos i usually work in the morning. working in the morning and sleeping after 3 is not a very complimentary pairing. but since i cannot sleep i think a lot.
the one thing i've thought of other than the pain in my left foot from too much dancing during dangdut rehearsals is the sad way life is always perceived by people. most people i mean..myself sometimes included.

you always build up fantasies in you mind about your future and about relationships and jobs and what have you. and when they actually happen u get super bummed cos things arent exactly like the way you pictured. i get it all the time..like when it comes to girls, or rather my relationships with them, and maybe i deal defensively by not having any expectations at all.

surprisingly like that haircare commercial said it "its works"!

it really does work ..cos you focus less on how the end result should be like your fantasies and you learn how to appreciate the details more and you enjoy the ride. for me this attitude works in work, you get what i mean rite, at home and basically in almost all facets of my life right now..heck i'm even positively looking forward to NS (ok..that may be becos i have a feeling it'll be somewhere next year and i'm determined to make the most out of my time left)

i'm not saying you shouldnt have goals or even dream a lil. i mean you can..if you have a strong sense of the real to pull you back at the end of the day. that way..if ur disappointed it won't be the end of the world...and you will probably bounce back stronger..like a tennis ball thrown on Thierry Henry's bald pate.

if you're reading this, i hope brinjal kept you good company yest nite. i want to smell like cocoa butter too some time ;)

dilema

dilema

adib, yang sudah berpunya tu tak boleh diambil. that's called stealing. just leave her with him. don't spoil his happiness.

tapi aku nak. aku tak tahu lah dia nak ke tak dengan aku tapi aku nak jugak.

duduk diam2 buat hal sendiri aje dib. dia tu orang punya. lupakan aje...ada banyak lagi kucing kat kolong.

tapi tiap kali aku ada mesti dia dekat ngan aku. kadang2 aku buat bodoh dia yang layan. takkan aku buat dek je? is that the way to treat a lady?


tapi dia tu orang punya! kau nak disamakan dengan orang2 macam gitu? orang yang memancing ikan yang sudah ditangkap orang lain?

tapi aku suka..dia cute. aku tak pernah ada yang se-cute dia. she's cuter than all the others before. i can't stand it. macam mana ni?

adib...please..just forget about her k. she can survive on her own. tak yah kau nak sibuk2.

but she's a stray child. kadang2 aje dia balik. without me i don't know how she's gonna survive. she hasnt got anyone else except...

except Azmi! Azmi kan dah sound dulu. dia dah bawak makan semua....kau jangan kacau daun ah. there are other pussies around. you've had ur fair share anyway.

no. every pussy's special. i'm gonna make her mine. and i don't care what you say. from tomorrow onwards if Tammy waits for me when i get home..i'm gonna make her mine.





dan dengan itu aku mula lebih mesra dengan kucing jiran aku. tapi sekarang dia dah balik kat Azmi selepas beberapa malam makan nasi dengan ikan rebus kat rumah aku. moral of the story..don't steal. cos crime does not pay..and it breaks hearts.*

*names have been changed to protect the fragile film of privacy that surrounds every individual in this now forsaken world

fuckjobs

fuckjobs

its sad when u have to sit (literally) and watch stupidity unfold.

i'm tired of this shit. i'm tired of all the attention. all the wasted time. friendships are built over time but all this time can prove to be a waste. all i know is this is the beginning of the end for a number of things. i don't want to be bothered by this anymore. i dont relate to anyone on it and that is the saddest thing i can think of right now.

left again

left again

loving you was easy cos ur beautiful
losing you - the hardest thing i ever went through
your written confession deafened my existence in its silence.
silence that you never broke.
i died in your ignorant bliss

away from you i toughened.
like weathered skin on a vagabonds face
my heart hardened as much as my skin thinned
i never found myself again, losing me would be poignantly ironic after i let you go
there's nothing poignant about my life anymore other than the memories

as you beckon again
the walls i've built from my tears
melt as it diffuses through my paper skin
soaking my future with the darkness and smiles of the past
the hopelessness of the now echo threateningly in my choice.

foolish hope
execution of the intellectual
this rhapsody leaves me exactly where it greeted me, that day in october.
crying for you.