high quality cigarettes

high quality cigarettes

look up there..that box right here. full of 20 of my friends. sometimes i feel like their the only friends i have. then i go and finally spend some time with people whose company i sometimes have to decline because i'm too busy doing stuff that i think is important, surrounded by people who probably don't give a rat's eyelash abt me or my ideas. sad i know ..but i guess this makes me more reserved about things i previously would have been more excited about. but the excitement wanes as i realise that i don't really fit in. which is a good thing cos maybe they don't deserve everything that i can offer. the bottomline is i guess i don't care anymore. anyway back to the chilling.

when i go chillin with these people, with my members as they would put it, i smoke many many sticks from the big red box and i work out some abdominal muscles i forgot i still had from too much laughter and i have fun again. i forget about all the insecurity, anger about the lack of control i have and fear about crap like my future and doing shit for people who don't deserve even a fart. i feel like i belong again ..the same can't be said about other things though. but hey...i don't have a say in some things..and it will probably never change so what do i do? go chill out with people i enjoy chilling out with. the future? we'll go back to it some other time. there i go again abt the not so good stuff. you understand now why i need to chill?

and when there's no chilling out to do....

i got her to take stupid pictures with me (=

so 2nd dec..bring it on. i've had my fun...apa nak jadi..jadilah. ha ha ha
go and lick my koteh. i don't give a damn.

sweet goodbye

sweet goodbye

life is full of ups and downs. you go up, you come down. the ups are expected, the downs inevitable. bak kata anwar, " susah sekejap aje, senang pun tak lama"

so whats the point of living if life is so predictable, a close friend asked me that recently and i answered him with a passion i never knew i had about life.

i told him, "its just a ride, but its about what you take from the ride. don't focus on getting to the destination, just take in what you can from the ride. the sights, sounds, experiences, people. learn from everything so that you seize the highs when they come by and when you have the downs it'll pass by faster."

i think that basically sums up how i've seen life these past few months. i've been in the company of many different people, some fucked up, others inspirational, some really blur, a few searching for their true calling, two really smelly and one oh so beautiful. i've learnt from each and every one of them, the good, the bad, the smelly. i guess that's my way of taking in the ride, my way of enjoyin the journey.

saying that...i guess this has helped me come to terms with missing out on doing the dec show with 3 people i respect as individuals and whose company as a trio i look forward to every single time. its a missed opportunity but i guess its part of the ride.

and the fear of the future? its always gonna be there but i'm gonna enjoy the now. and now, i'm having the time of my life. i hope you are too. but if not its cool. cos the ride's just begun. heh. saying it demeans the true nature of my ecstasy so i'll just shut up now.

and no, I won't start that again. heh