look up there..that box right here. full of 20 of my friends. sometimes i feel like their the only friends i have. then i go and finally spend some time with people whose company i sometimes have to decline because i'm too busy doing stuff that i think is important, surrounded by people who probably don't give a rat's eyelash abt me or my ideas. sad i know ..but i guess this makes me more reserved about things i previously would have been more excited about. but the excitement wanes as i realise that i don't really fit in. which is a good thing cos maybe they don't deserve everything that i can offer. the bottomline is i guess i don't care anymore. anyway back to the chilling.when i go chillin with these people, with my members as they would put it, i smoke many many sticks from the big red box and i work out some abdominal muscles i forgot i still had from too much laughter and i have fun again. i forget about all the insecurity, anger about the lack of control i have and fear about crap like my future and doing shit for people who don't deserve even a fart. i feel like i belong again ..the same can't be said about other things though. but hey...i don't have a say in some things..and it will probably never change so what do i do? go chill out with people i enjoy chilling out with. the future? we'll go back to it some other time. there i go again abt the not so good stuff. you understand now why i need to chill?
and when there's no chilling out to do....
i got her to take stupid pictures with me (=so 2nd dec..bring it on. i've had my fun...apa nak jadi..jadilah. ha ha ha
go and lick my koteh. i don't give a damn.
