i cant give u a reason
i didnt go to school today....again. ok...i was sick on wed, had the damn ns medical thingy yesterday and i juz felt like sleeping in today. hujan lebat...so my room was like a lazy man's heaven. really beginning to hate school, i mean i dun even look fwd to chillin out after....the only thing that's made these 3 years bearable.
why?
honestly the reason eludes me. its not as if i really have anything to look fwd to after this so why aint i enjoyin the last yrs of education? life should be more than juz temporary highs.....but these define me rite now....so since its perpetually empty i am pretty much depressed and i'm rambling away trying to comprehend what makes me tick....its sad when u dont even know yourself.
but since its new years eve...i really hope u guys out there have fun.
happy new year and may life be better in 2005. ciao
here i go, so dishonestly leave a note for u my only one
and i know, u can see rite thru me
so let me go and u will find someone
Friday, December 31, 2004
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
stranger by the day
stranger by the day
a song by fastball once had a line that went....the exit to eternal summer slacking....
where oh where does it lie?
haha...that has nothing to do with my post today but it does make u wonder if something like that really does exist rite? well today i had something as close to slacking as i can ever get...(okay okay i'm grossly exaggerating ) but it really felt more carefree than usual lah.
been relishing the free time that i've had...but at the same time i feel like my evenings are empty. human beings...they never will be satisfied with wat they have. but i think i've really screwed up my social life. i get isolated from everyone cos of rehearsals. then, when i do catch up with them and finally things get back to normal...i start the whole rehearsal process again.
it renders me socially-retarded (borrowed that term from someone..hehe) when getting to know people (even those who really intrigue me) and leaves me frustrated. almost all the time. irritating ain't it. some ppl think i think i'm too good to get things started.
the truth is, i'm just shy.
yes dear readers, you read it right. i have this crippling inability to be too friendly with ppl i juz meet....i would find it weird if i was. dun get me wrong, i will still smile, and try to make small talk...but thats where it stops. i cant go on yakking my whole life story to a poor soul who i juz got to know. thats juz cruel. believe me, i've had ppl do that to me before...the horror!
so to anyone reading this...if i ever seem like i'm purposely ignoring you (that is if i know u lah) please dun take it to heart. juz smile and i'll smile back (cos i'm afraid if i smiled first, you wouldnt remember me..haha paiseh rite) or maybe i.
for those who know me...and think that this is a fabrication of my fastasy funland (meaning adib's brain)...i assure u deep down i am shy and sensitive and like walkin on beaches as the sun sets over a greenish-blue lagoon ......i really like doing stuff like that. really. serious..i not bluff you. i am swearing upon myself true all this is........ really.
Wouldn't it be nice if we were older, then we wouldn't have to wait so long
a song by fastball once had a line that went....the exit to eternal summer slacking....
where oh where does it lie?
haha...that has nothing to do with my post today but it does make u wonder if something like that really does exist rite? well today i had something as close to slacking as i can ever get...(okay okay i'm grossly exaggerating ) but it really felt more carefree than usual lah.
been relishing the free time that i've had...but at the same time i feel like my evenings are empty. human beings...they never will be satisfied with wat they have. but i think i've really screwed up my social life. i get isolated from everyone cos of rehearsals. then, when i do catch up with them and finally things get back to normal...i start the whole rehearsal process again.
it renders me socially-retarded (borrowed that term from someone..hehe) when getting to know people (even those who really intrigue me) and leaves me frustrated. almost all the time. irritating ain't it. some ppl think i think i'm too good to get things started.
the truth is, i'm just shy.
yes dear readers, you read it right. i have this crippling inability to be too friendly with ppl i juz meet....i would find it weird if i was. dun get me wrong, i will still smile, and try to make small talk...but thats where it stops. i cant go on yakking my whole life story to a poor soul who i juz got to know. thats juz cruel. believe me, i've had ppl do that to me before...the horror!
so to anyone reading this...if i ever seem like i'm purposely ignoring you (that is if i know u lah) please dun take it to heart. juz smile and i'll smile back (cos i'm afraid if i smiled first, you wouldnt remember me..haha paiseh rite) or maybe i.
for those who know me...and think that this is a fabrication of my fastasy funland (meaning adib's brain)...i assure u deep down i am shy and sensitive and like walkin on beaches as the sun sets over a greenish-blue lagoon ......i really like doing stuff like that. really. serious..i not bluff you. i am swearing upon myself true all this is........ really.
Wouldn't it be nice if we were older, then we wouldn't have to wait so long
Saturday, December 18, 2004
honest thats the honest truth
honest that's the honest truth
happiness. a word so simple yet it brings out so many images, sounds, smells.... memories. New, old, fresh, mouldy.... for me i guess being in a state of happiness is something i take for granted....c'mon everybody has at one point or another. but for now i think i'll remember and cherish this feeling...for as long as i can.
for those of you kind souls who have been reading my blog (a big thanks), you'll know that i have not been in the best of spirits lately. well yeah things have been bothering me but hopefully they're looking up. i mean i've been so preoccupied with all the bad stuff that i miss out.
missing out. i hate the feeling. you know when u miss out on a nite out wit ur pals...and their bond seems to be strenghtened like 1000 times more than the last time you guys hang out. that's what i went thru these past few months. what i failed to realise was the ppl who i have been spending my time with....the bond that grew with them.
ok..enuf bout this. i guess my whole point was or is be happy with what u have and aspire and not be desperate for better things. i sound preachy rite? well i cant help it. i've recently been blessed with some minor things which are maybe showing me that hey...ur life isnt that bad bro. i'm not gonna be super ecstatic but i'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts...like a very wise and super smart friend of mine once said "Life is all about a cycle of ups and downs...u go up then down then up again...the downs are inevitable but so are the ups...so juz look fwd to it" ..thats courtesy of mr anwar hadi.
on that note...have a great weekend ppl...and cherish this cheery entry from adib kosnan siran...haha..when the down comes he wont be so fun to be with. smoke winston and fly like an eagle....kwang kwang kwang <---lame tak doK?
girl, when we laugh and we cry its together
thru the rain and the stormiest weather...
happiness. a word so simple yet it brings out so many images, sounds, smells.... memories. New, old, fresh, mouldy.... for me i guess being in a state of happiness is something i take for granted....c'mon everybody has at one point or another. but for now i think i'll remember and cherish this feeling...for as long as i can.
for those of you kind souls who have been reading my blog (a big thanks), you'll know that i have not been in the best of spirits lately. well yeah things have been bothering me but hopefully they're looking up. i mean i've been so preoccupied with all the bad stuff that i miss out.
missing out. i hate the feeling. you know when u miss out on a nite out wit ur pals...and their bond seems to be strenghtened like 1000 times more than the last time you guys hang out. that's what i went thru these past few months. what i failed to realise was the ppl who i have been spending my time with....the bond that grew with them.
ok..enuf bout this. i guess my whole point was or is be happy with what u have and aspire and not be desperate for better things. i sound preachy rite? well i cant help it. i've recently been blessed with some minor things which are maybe showing me that hey...ur life isnt that bad bro. i'm not gonna be super ecstatic but i'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts...like a very wise and super smart friend of mine once said "Life is all about a cycle of ups and downs...u go up then down then up again...the downs are inevitable but so are the ups...so juz look fwd to it" ..thats courtesy of mr anwar hadi.
on that note...have a great weekend ppl...and cherish this cheery entry from adib kosnan siran...haha..when the down comes he wont be so fun to be with. smoke winston and fly like an eagle....kwang kwang kwang <---lame tak doK?
girl, when we laugh and we cry its together
thru the rain and the stormiest weather...
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
The Wisdom of a Fool Won't Set You Free
The Wisdom of a Fool Won't Set You Free
Have you ever felt alone? I mean really alone. Despite the fact that people surround you and your friends still call you. When you find solace in smoking alone in your dark room contemplating the uncontemplateable and wishing you were Mark Wahlberg in 'Boogie Nights'. I have (not the last one, thats stretching it a lil)...and although I guess I could blame it on zura(poor girl)...I doubt it was ever the case...at least recently. Its just the plain fact that I don't find any purpose doing the things I once enjoyed. MRMK was tiring, very tiring, after awhile I guess I was just going thru the motions. 6 months of internship and rehearsal also took a lot out of this old boy. Plus I used to enjoy spending time alone at home but that ain't the case anymore. I just feel better out of the house, with a few good friends, yet I still feel empty.
Yes boys and gals...thats why I've been hanging out at SB Thomson Plaza..wit the cool ppl ther..at the prata house wit my dear old cuzzin Ina and the man bitch Shawal. Yes thats why I always look fwd to seeing Anwar and Izad (although apologies are in order...things getting bz lah) and yes thats why I dread going home to a house devoid of the company of ppl I relate to....bcos all this helps me stop thinking bout the bad stuff...and it keeps me from dialling her number (not to worry though, the urge is slowly fading)
I'll stop blaming it on her. You can't hurry love or in my case you can't grow a tree out of rotten wood( then again you grow trees from seeds). She's a closed chapter, an archived entry...a mouldy tape.
I'm blaming it on the imminent enforced end to my youth, yes the great institution that turns every jcboy, poly punk, pondan, mat tapered boblok, mummy's boy, ah beng and arrogant mr. know-it-alls who are so smug they somehow think they're better than everyone else(despite the fact that they show off due to their own insecurities and non-existent sex lives <---[probli not gonna change anytime soon without the help of a certain district in serangoon]) into a "MAN"...(or a bigger loser/motherfucker. I've always hated show-offs...esp condescending ones and I muz say that wherever I go (TP) I bump into one....the devil in me has to be surpressed man..4 more months...juz relax rite?) Ok..back to the subject matter...I mean half of me is really looking fwd to NS. The stories I've heard, good or bad, I rather juz go thru it and experience it myself thank you.I've always been a doer...not a listen and go "Wow I wish I was doing that", I jus do it. But the fact that there's so much I'm gonna miss out on..its scary. So so scary.
I know where I stand...there's so much for me to learn, MRMK was a great experience, not necessarily acting-wise but at least I've got that under my belt. I juz want to continue the learning curve...but what NS is gonna do is stop my progress for 2 years....2 whole years. In 2 years...anything ..anything can happen. Think of how much I can otherwise learn...juz think.
Theatre aside...I juz got a freelance job at Disney. Obviously I'm elated...enjoyed working there and I definitely didnt mind coming back. But for how long will it last. Once this gig is over I'm thrown into NS, after 2 years will they still remember me? Its a bitch man...but this female dog I've got to get over. I've got to put my life on the line for a country that has given me life (ok, just trying to sound patriotic....its something new to me). This long-winded excuse for time-wasting boils down to my point...
And that is...........What's wrong with you Adib?? A perfectly neutral person reading this would probabli tell me to stop worrying and juz enjoy life till then rite? Well before you open your mouth or move your fingers...STOP! Cos thats exactly what I'm gonna do. Bring on the gals, the ciggies and the music. I'm ready.
Moral of the story kids, don't do drugs...they fry your brain and make you expose your undies in public. Unless your wearing sexy, preferably black and very tiny pieces, dont bother cos it jus reinstates the fact that you ain't getting any ...and we guys dun like a cold turkey. Sex is a beautiful thing that you shouldnt flaunt unless you're gonna be a willing participant, sekali u get one of those species I was talkin bout earlier...ha..mampus kau...syphillis comes a calling. I'm not even making sense to myself. Okay...I digress...the moral of the story is don't overthink things, juz get yourself high as a kite and drink coke lite. Serious..gua tak bedek jack.
aku pulang...tanpa dendam, ku terima kekalahanku
aku pulang...tanpa dendam, ku salutkan kemenanganmu
Have you ever felt alone? I mean really alone. Despite the fact that people surround you and your friends still call you. When you find solace in smoking alone in your dark room contemplating the uncontemplateable and wishing you were Mark Wahlberg in 'Boogie Nights'. I have (not the last one, thats stretching it a lil)...and although I guess I could blame it on zura(poor girl)...I doubt it was ever the case...at least recently. Its just the plain fact that I don't find any purpose doing the things I once enjoyed. MRMK was tiring, very tiring, after awhile I guess I was just going thru the motions. 6 months of internship and rehearsal also took a lot out of this old boy. Plus I used to enjoy spending time alone at home but that ain't the case anymore. I just feel better out of the house, with a few good friends, yet I still feel empty.
Yes boys and gals...thats why I've been hanging out at SB Thomson Plaza..wit the cool ppl ther..at the prata house wit my dear old cuzzin Ina and the man bitch Shawal. Yes thats why I always look fwd to seeing Anwar and Izad (although apologies are in order...things getting bz lah) and yes thats why I dread going home to a house devoid of the company of ppl I relate to....bcos all this helps me stop thinking bout the bad stuff...and it keeps me from dialling her number (not to worry though, the urge is slowly fading)
I'll stop blaming it on her. You can't hurry love or in my case you can't grow a tree out of rotten wood( then again you grow trees from seeds). She's a closed chapter, an archived entry...a mouldy tape.
I'm blaming it on the imminent enforced end to my youth, yes the great institution that turns every jcboy, poly punk, pondan, mat tapered boblok, mummy's boy, ah beng and arrogant mr. know-it-alls who are so smug they somehow think they're better than everyone else(despite the fact that they show off due to their own insecurities and non-existent sex lives <---[probli not gonna change anytime soon without the help of a certain district in serangoon]) into a "MAN"...(or a bigger loser/motherfucker. I've always hated show-offs...esp condescending ones and I muz say that wherever I go (TP) I bump into one....the devil in me has to be surpressed man..4 more months...juz relax rite?) Ok..back to the subject matter...I mean half of me is really looking fwd to NS. The stories I've heard, good or bad, I rather juz go thru it and experience it myself thank you.I've always been a doer...not a listen and go "Wow I wish I was doing that", I jus do it. But the fact that there's so much I'm gonna miss out on..its scary. So so scary.
I know where I stand...there's so much for me to learn, MRMK was a great experience, not necessarily acting-wise but at least I've got that under my belt. I juz want to continue the learning curve...but what NS is gonna do is stop my progress for 2 years....2 whole years. In 2 years...anything ..anything can happen. Think of how much I can otherwise learn...juz think.
Theatre aside...I juz got a freelance job at Disney. Obviously I'm elated...enjoyed working there and I definitely didnt mind coming back. But for how long will it last. Once this gig is over I'm thrown into NS, after 2 years will they still remember me? Its a bitch man...but this female dog I've got to get over. I've got to put my life on the line for a country that has given me life (ok, just trying to sound patriotic....its something new to me). This long-winded excuse for time-wasting boils down to my point...
And that is...........What's wrong with you Adib?? A perfectly neutral person reading this would probabli tell me to stop worrying and juz enjoy life till then rite? Well before you open your mouth or move your fingers...STOP! Cos thats exactly what I'm gonna do. Bring on the gals, the ciggies and the music. I'm ready.
Moral of the story kids, don't do drugs...they fry your brain and make you expose your undies in public. Unless your wearing sexy, preferably black and very tiny pieces, dont bother cos it jus reinstates the fact that you ain't getting any ...and we guys dun like a cold turkey. Sex is a beautiful thing that you shouldnt flaunt unless you're gonna be a willing participant, sekali u get one of those species I was talkin bout earlier...ha..mampus kau...syphillis comes a calling. I'm not even making sense to myself. Okay...I digress...the moral of the story is don't overthink things, juz get yourself high as a kite and drink coke lite. Serious..gua tak bedek jack.
aku pulang...tanpa dendam, ku terima kekalahanku
aku pulang...tanpa dendam, ku salutkan kemenanganmu
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Tiada Lagi Airmata
Tiada Lagi Airmata
Di kalaku kesepian
Melihat keindahan alam
Wajahmu menjelma bermain di fikiran
Sejak aku, kau tinggalkan
Hancur musnah semua impian
Hatiku pedih
Pilu mengenangkan
Tiada lagi
Air mata
Aku tak berdaya
Engkau hanya bersandiwara
Membiarkanku menderita
Dimana letaknya
Keagungan cinta
Sebagaimana kau pertahankan
Apalah ertinya
Sebuah pengorbanan
Jika hanya untuk dipermainkan
Jika hanya untuk dipermainkan
Putus tak bisa disambung
Hilang tak bisa diganti
Sekarang ku tahu
Sekarang biarlah aku pergi
Sekarang janganlah engkau mementingkan diri
Tiada lagi airmataku....tiada lagi untukmu
you don't have to call, it's ok girl...i'm gonna be alrite tonite
Di kalaku kesepian
Melihat keindahan alam
Wajahmu menjelma bermain di fikiran
Sejak aku, kau tinggalkan
Hancur musnah semua impian
Hatiku pedih
Pilu mengenangkan
Tiada lagi
Air mata
Aku tak berdaya
Engkau hanya bersandiwara
Membiarkanku menderita
Dimana letaknya
Keagungan cinta
Sebagaimana kau pertahankan
Apalah ertinya
Sebuah pengorbanan
Jika hanya untuk dipermainkan
Jika hanya untuk dipermainkan
Putus tak bisa disambung
Hilang tak bisa diganti
Sekarang ku tahu
Sekarang biarlah aku pergi
Sekarang janganlah engkau mementingkan diri
Tiada lagi airmataku....tiada lagi untukmu
you don't have to call, it's ok girl...i'm gonna be alrite tonite
Monday, December 06, 2004
-the end..part 2-
-the end..part 2-
after three months of rehearsals....after all the probs, despite all the unhapiness. i'm glad to have been part of it. i'm gonna miss everyone...even the irritating ones whom i cant stand but had to grin and bear with. at least i can be happy about the lack of their presence from now on. gonna miss my bro anwar..though i doubt i can run away from hanging out with him. izad is another person i'm gonna miss....think he really clicks with the way i am...and i guess thats why he's good friends with anwar too....gonna miss the drinks at newton after rehearsals...even that one time we stayed till 6 and got bothered by the same tissue guy 3 times.
kak ifa...gonna miss her too...dunno when i'm ever gonna act with her again. i doubt ill be doing the july show. really appreciate her presence...and she's a bloody great actor...just waiting to take the theatre world by storm. den and apit....two cool buddies ...will we ever be this close again? probably not...at least not together as a group....thanks for the memories guys. everyone else will always be in my memories. performing at the esplanade.....i fulfilled that target before NS....now gotta move on.
another ending....it should have been a bittersweet day today if not for what happened yest nite. all i can say is...i am well and truly lost. the one thing that i always held onto and believed in has been shattered to pieces and run over by a horde of raging elephants with very heavy mahouts riding on top. she was always in love with him. how could i have been blind to that. i should have realised it. fuck it lah...no more tears...the ones i shed yesterday will be the last for this matter. the chapter should have be well and truly closed, locked up with something heavy and thrown into pierce reservoir. bye bye z. thanks for everything, wont be seeing u anymore. cant be seeing u anymore...knowing what i know..knowing what i shouldnt know....my hearts still on the floor...waiting to be pieced back again.....its gonna be a while
Mengapa begini.... kau akhiri
Dengan menyingkap tabir rahsia
Percintaan kamu berdua
Terjaga mentari... Melenyapkan bulan
Dan mimpi semalam meluncur
Kesunyian sepanjang malam
Ku hilang dalam terang
after three months of rehearsals....after all the probs, despite all the unhapiness. i'm glad to have been part of it. i'm gonna miss everyone...even the irritating ones whom i cant stand but had to grin and bear with. at least i can be happy about the lack of their presence from now on. gonna miss my bro anwar..though i doubt i can run away from hanging out with him. izad is another person i'm gonna miss....think he really clicks with the way i am...and i guess thats why he's good friends with anwar too....gonna miss the drinks at newton after rehearsals...even that one time we stayed till 6 and got bothered by the same tissue guy 3 times.
kak ifa...gonna miss her too...dunno when i'm ever gonna act with her again. i doubt ill be doing the july show. really appreciate her presence...and she's a bloody great actor...just waiting to take the theatre world by storm. den and apit....two cool buddies ...will we ever be this close again? probably not...at least not together as a group....thanks for the memories guys. everyone else will always be in my memories. performing at the esplanade.....i fulfilled that target before NS....now gotta move on.
another ending....it should have been a bittersweet day today if not for what happened yest nite. all i can say is...i am well and truly lost. the one thing that i always held onto and believed in has been shattered to pieces and run over by a horde of raging elephants with very heavy mahouts riding on top. she was always in love with him. how could i have been blind to that. i should have realised it. fuck it lah...no more tears...the ones i shed yesterday will be the last for this matter. the chapter should have be well and truly closed, locked up with something heavy and thrown into pierce reservoir. bye bye z. thanks for everything, wont be seeing u anymore. cant be seeing u anymore...knowing what i know..knowing what i shouldnt know....my hearts still on the floor...waiting to be pieced back again.....its gonna be a while
Mengapa begini.... kau akhiri
Dengan menyingkap tabir rahsia
Percintaan kamu berdua
Terjaga mentari... Melenyapkan bulan
Dan mimpi semalam meluncur
Kesunyian sepanjang malam
Ku hilang dalam terang
Friday, December 03, 2004
penat siak!
penat siak
tired out man...juz bumped into the theatre today...super tired cos 1. spent the whole day there...2. did not do anything much cos a lot of time spent on the lights.... so the hanging ard took a lot out of me...haha really excited bout tmr...all 3 shows sold out! how much more motivation do u need?
well, spending the whole day juz talkin most of the time...i found out that a lot...and i mean a lot of the TK guys thought i was anggek...or arrogant when i first join...i mean they did a lot to reassure me that it was juz a first impression but it got me thinking...damn u izad omar. i mean i have never thought of myself as better than anyone by default. sure i have my ego and i do possess confidence but i dont judge anyone else to be not as good as me without good reason. the opposite is true in many cases....but maybe its a defensive thing that kicks in w/o my knowledge...kalau cam tu rabak siak...patut lah aku masih takde gf....
kwang kwang kwang....
tired out man...juz bumped into the theatre today...super tired cos 1. spent the whole day there...2. did not do anything much cos a lot of time spent on the lights.... so the hanging ard took a lot out of me...haha really excited bout tmr...all 3 shows sold out! how much more motivation do u need?
well, spending the whole day juz talkin most of the time...i found out that a lot...and i mean a lot of the TK guys thought i was anggek...or arrogant when i first join...i mean they did a lot to reassure me that it was juz a first impression but it got me thinking...damn u izad omar. i mean i have never thought of myself as better than anyone by default. sure i have my ego and i do possess confidence but i dont judge anyone else to be not as good as me without good reason. the opposite is true in many cases....but maybe its a defensive thing that kicks in w/o my knowledge...kalau cam tu rabak siak...patut lah aku masih takde gf....
kwang kwang kwang....
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