no matter what i do
power is nothing without control.
and i never thought i would not have the power to control the way i feel. so i end up feeling like crap and like a million bucks at the same time.
i don't expect anyone to understand the way i feel and the reason i do stuff. and i know i deserve the consternation and indifference because of the circumstances i've allowed myself to get into.
believe me...i've asked and contradicted myself many times and i've tried not allowing things to go on personally.
if anyone understood the pain i felt with zura before...turn it 180 degrees (this is good not bad) around but add a lot of guilt to it - thats how i feel now.
the bottomline is...i like feeling the way i feel when she's around..a lot. this scares me but excites me at the same time. and i'll take that with me for a long long time..no matter how things turn out.
no matter what i do..aku jahat...aku tahu.
