si bodoh nak joget jugak
if you sacrifice time, money and friendships to do the thing you love and to help a place you feel like you belong to only to see it being thrown back in your face by the comments and actions of the same place, would you feel like an utter idiot being led by the hairs on your ass, as you continue to pump in buckets of sweat ..not to mention tonnes of potential "lepak" time, to a place where recognition is hard to come by and even a simple sorry doesnt exist.
the lack of recognition is still tolerable though.
if you make a mistake that cannot be salvaged..the most logical thing is to just say sorry...its also the LEAST you can do. i would feel like crap but because of the way you've dealt with it...i feel like running into a concrete wall without a helmet. i've given what i can offer for your cause. even when i feel like i'm being picked on i just brush it off and take it in cos i tell myself i'm just being paranoid. but i guess this is the ice on top of the mountains you see in movies. its slowly melting like the patience i have for you and the friends i have there. maybe it has come to a pt where i have to fuck it all and just go. you've probably judged me already for the things i've done. the things you think will tar your name. so maybe i should make it easier for you lah huh.
and if any of my friends think they know how i feel. i can probably only agree that one or two really understand. but their different...they have things to offer so you need them. i am expected to be able to do everything when you want me to and if i cant you go around judging and destroying my credibility as a WHOLE person.
i know what i want...and i will eventually know what to do. once i do...i'll have no qualms doing it. then you can say whatever you want...oh wait..that's what you do now anyway.
its just a ride. i'll get there soon.
