was it something i said?
ok. its almost 4. i'm still awake despite watching two movies. TWO!! and u know why? well i do and if u buckle down and read this entry i'll tell u why. i cant sleep because i drank two shots of espresso straight up like u would a tequila shot. i like my coffee....thats why i dun drink it all the time but i had to juz now. why? i'm getting to it.....bcos anisa was late. anisa..my colleague at sb-tp. well she's always late lah so today we at the store had a lil betting game. how many mins will dear old anisa be late by. well the ever so wise adib kosnan predicted 10 mins...placing undivided faith in his knowledge of his dear friend. and guess wat...she came at 1 min past the 10 mins....meaning i lost and so i had to drink the shots and so i'm here explaining to u why i'm here at 4 am in the morning.
ok. so with not being able to sleep, and the 11 am alarm i set myself for tmr seemingly impossible to adhere too, at times like this u dun want a job, i began that painful process call thinking. life is like a football match. u got a bunch of guys running after one ball all around the pitch of unpredictability and when the team gets a shooting opportunity, the forward kicks air and fall flat on his face. if the forward was me....he'd make contact with the ball sending it 500 metres wide of goal and then fall flat on his face.
serious shit man. sometimes i dun even know why i try. girls are extremely imcomprehensiveably ununderstandable. (if u havent figured out that this entry was abt girls than obviously u are of the so called "Fairer" sex...so u use whitening lotion, big deal - that was so lame its scary....)
say i like a girl and she likes me. of course she will never act like she feels because she aint sure if this guy is worth liking more than she already likes him. thus is born the whole "jual mahal" process....where the girl plays hard to get. but get this....what if the two of u shared one fantastic conversation spanning 5 hours, this during ur very first conversation. do u play hard to get after that? well u could argue that i'm a downright goblok for not making the next move. but how can u move when all ur moves are shot down. ok that was an isolated incident which i happen to be a lil perplexed about but hey it was juz one of the many wrong moves adib kosnan has made in his love life.
it would be fun if everything was as simple as the movies rite? u meet a french girl on a train...spend the night with her talking about all the stuff u've always thought about but never shared with anyone, walk thru vienna, chill out and end up having sex and falling in love (not necessarily in that order) then say goodbye in the morning promising to meet in 6 months time. well 'before sunset' was a nice thought ( and a fucking great movie*ethan hawke before all the gattaca shit ) but i have a feeling thats all its gonna be...a nice thought.
ok. so i'm only 19, 20 later this july. but the closest i've had to any connection like that is with a dear friend who i'll never seriously consider starting a relationship with and ditto on her part (she likes girls). my only gf...the only one i've been out more than a week with (try a year and 3 heartbreaking months) was someone i'd been chasing (lusting) after for 4 whole years. since the short-pants era of lower secondary life. and i realised pretty much that i couldnt be myself around her...i built this whole other persona and i could not share with her in a way that i want to. blame it on youthful exuberance or the fact that she was a freaking babe and i just wanted to be with her.
i guess i'm past playing around. i mean i still wanna play but i dun wanna play bad enough to go out and actually engage in the games...although sometimes all i can talk about is playing...but its not the playing thats the point..its the talking about the playing...get it? no? tsk tsk girls! u know wat i mean. i juz want someone who i can have a nice argument with...totally relative to the fact that we complement each other and do stupid things that ur only allowed to do once and with one person only. but i guess i am my greatest enemy.
cos when i find someone who resembles all this...even vaguely, i panic and i act stupid and i scare them off with the desperate vibe u get from a loser. i call it the ben stiller syndrome. cos i like the guy and i think his movies are based on my life even though they have a strongly worded disclaimer on most movies that denies me from claiming the royalties i so richly deserve. this movie is based on fictitious events and any similarities to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.... i'm mr furious from mystery men ok. ok back to the topic. yeah...i scare them off...and regretfully i think i've let some really cool ppl slip away, not too mention some not so cool but oh so hot babes, ok not really lah. (hell yeah i did)<--guys.
so here i am....baring myself to u guys in a caffeine-laden and probably ill-advised entry. ladies....gentlemen, this is me and all thoughts on this matter are welcome. why? cos my tag-board is embarrasingly bare and i wanna know who's been reading this blessed excuse for a blog. help will ya? please? dun make me get on my knees....pretty please?
dun wake me
i plan on sleeping in
